LETTER

Here's a l'il note I'm gonna stick on my neighbor's door:

From the desk of Wanda Pinkett:

To my damn trailer-trash neighbors,
Please make it said that I, Mrs. Wanda Buford-Pinkett, am askin' ya'll in the sweetest of ways to keep yer fuckin' used-up pink rolls of insulation out of our front yard!!!  My Lurlene brought it in OUR trailer, threw it on her floor, and said "Mama, look at my new wall-to-wall carpetin'."  Needless to say I've been pickin' out shard a' glass from her feet fer the past 4 days!  Thank God she didn't sit next down on it with her cooter exposed to do her naked Yoga, like she does.

I really need to know when all this crap's gonna end. First, it's yer moldy shower curtain that y'all rolled up in a ball and threw up onto my porch which Lulene turned into, what I called, "her mildew dress," then it was that old refrigerator that my legless little Bubba crawled into and was disappeared fer 2 days (luckily he had a couple 'a snack puddings in his cut-off cargo pants fer nourishment).  If y'all can't throw away yer crap like the rest of us, in your OWN yard, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson which is sumthin' I hate to do...

I'm goin' off to Walgreen's now to buy some sharper tweezers for my glass pickin' but I'll be back in an hour, and when I get back I expect an apology from y'all (and NO, a package of Mallomars doesn't cut it...though a sixer 'a Pabst might).

Thanks fer yer ear,
Wanda Pinkett

P.S. I apologize fer writin' this on an old Fritos bag, but I ran outta paper.

Comments

[scott]

wanda -
don't be comin fer ya neighbors. these days familys all ya got. i'm sure cuzin shanda didn' mean no harm. it probably just that them pills she takes to keep her hoo hoo from drippin' makes her a little crazy. after shootin' baseballs out of there for the last 20 years, i'm sure it takes a toll on what she can hold in. poor thing, she's been in adult diapers since her 30's. just an awful profeshon that child had. she shoulda gone to beauty school like the rest of us. anyway, gotta go make the waldorf salad for the VFW hall potluck.
see ya then.
shena

[7sz]

I don't remember the last time I heard the word cooter.

[Michael]

is this the name Thomas Pynchon uses to write his local newspaper? Am I totally in left field here?
http://thecoolstore.blogspot.com/