Dunno if you're aware or not, but I was a big fan of The Flavor Of Love on VH1. The show was genius if only for the antics of the crazy-ass hos contestants. Lemme tell you something, they don't get much more hoochie than this, y'all.
Fortunately there's gonna be a second season of the show (Hoopz already broke up with him) and they're looking for new "ladies." Naturally, I applied. Unfortunately, I'm having a problem with a couple of the questions. I answered them to the best of my ability, but don't know if it's too much. So this is what I wrote:
* Have you ever hit someone in anger or self defense? Yes. I slapped by best friend at her 30th Birthday party. And then the bitch slapped me back. Bitch.
* Have you ever been arrested or had a restraining order placed against you? Um...no? They never actually arrested me.
* Have you ever seen a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist? I've had sex with a therapist, 2 psychologists and a handful of psychiatrists but I'm not seeing them. Who wants to date a head case like that??
* Have you ever been treated for any serious physical or mental illness (es) or had any serious injuries? I was treated for a severed organ when I was three. But it's fine -- it didn't come off.
* Are you on any prescription medication that you take on a regular basis? Yes.
* Do you have any physical conditions, special needs, or fears we should know about? One of my arms is longer than the other, I have acid reflux, I need constant attention and I'm scared to death of needles -- I can barely even look at them. Does that cover them all?
* Have you ever been charged with a violent offense or a felony? The charges were dropped.
* Have you ever been convicted of a violent offense or a felony? Did you not hear what I just said? Do I need to beat it into your fuckin' head that I wasn't charged??? Back off, bitch.
Any other suggestions?
P.S. These are the REAL questions that are on the application.
I think as long as you mention that you are willing to spit in someone's face, you are a shoe-in.
Posted by: Jason | Sunday, April 09, 2006 at 12:29 AM