After a 2 and a half year absence, I'm back.
I am a sucker for romance so when I saw this my heart melted... Here's the deal (as told through the guy who made it):
"After my girlfriend moved away for graduate school, I wanted to create something different to express my feelings for her. I secretly created a song and video with my friends the Daylights in hopes that it would be passed around and get to her organically. WITH YOUR HELP, we can meet this goal and it can stand as a symbol of what we can do as an digital social community. This is dedicated to anyone who is separated from people they love.
I will let you know if it works on my Twitter @WalterCMay"
Now that's romance, kids.
Just flying home after a whirlwind 2 days in NYC where I spun a friend's 30th B-Day party on Saturday, spent Sunday afternoon walking the city w/ California family visiting for the weekend (perfect timing, btw) and attended my BFF's 40th on Sunday night. All of this was amazing and and frightfully exhausting.
Very glad to be home where I plan on returning back to real life.
I love staring into a person's eyes to see what type of person they really are. You can tell a lot, I find, from what's behind the stare. After all, it's the key to the soul, yes?
(And, yes, the post title is taken from Billy Idol's song. Get into it.)
It's amazing and heartening to see how many people have changed their profile pictures today in support of LGBT youth and to stand up against anti-LGBT bullying. The internet has great power and REALLY shows today.
My profile pic is of Oprah Winfrey not only because she was in The Color Purple, but because her character fought back. I'm very much all about fighting back - not necessarily with physical violence but with strength and intelligence and bettering one's self.
If you've never seen the scene this is from, watch it after the jump...
I'm back. After nearly 3 weeks of silence, I'm back to paying attention to you, my sweet blog.
First I wanna give wish 2 of my favorite people Happy Birthday: Bob Jack (my friend for the past 24 years) and Austin Trentini (my cousin for the past 20...). I love you both MUCHO!
Second, I wanna say that it saddens me to know that sparks in interest over gay rights and the way gays are treated all come at a price. From Matthew Shepard's death-from-beating to the well publicized suicides happing the past few weeks, both have made the gays in this country say "enough is enough" - how many have to die before we are treated as equals? Matthew Shepard's death was not in vain as we now have hate crime laws throughout the country. Suicides, however, must come from making those who are struggling with their own sexuality feel like they are right in what they feel - they're not some kind of freak who's going to be ostracized. This will come when we start obtaining more rights which I hope will be sooner than later.
And last - I've missed you ever so.
This is today's horoscope:
Right now, Moonchild, you are extremely lucky in love and with money. Make the most of this period by taking advantage of all opportunities and fueling this wave of good fortune with healing, jubilant energy that can help to carry you forward even faster. The force is with you in most areas and will be throughout the fall season. You will find yourself in wonder at how well things are going for you after a long dry spell of disappointment, anxiety, and stress. Soak it all up, because you certainly deserve it.
As the sounds of the screams and the crying fade away, as the visual of seeing the burning buildings and the people running towards me when the buildings fell get more and more blurry, and as the smell of smoke and the feeling of time standing still become an almost non-existent memory, I honor all those who needlessly died on this day. Your passing was not in vain and we, as a people, will hopefully rise above the petty indifferences that brought us to that point - the point where innocent lives were taken just for living in this country.
- Aaron James
Sept. 11, 2010
This is the one of the two scenes I'm doing for a directing class today (I'm coming in as an actor for learning directors). It's from THIEF and the scene kinda rocks. I have a great "as-if" for this that applies to my current life. Ironically, the second scene is from UP IN THE AIR and I'm playing Ryan (George Clooney's character). Looking forward to bringing a lot into my work for these people this morning.
It's fear that keeps us from moving forward, whether it be in our careers or our love lives, and I am tired of it. Be a man and get what you want by speaking up and acting upon it.
Patience is what we must learn so that when we do go after what we want, we don't expect it to happen right away. As long as the seed has been planted and isn't sitting in our pocket, we're golden.
And regrets are what result in letting fear win so I vow to have none of them. Who wants to live that way...?
As if it couldn't get any worse... Last night, at just after midnight, a man jumped off the 22nd floor of my friends' building and the four of us got to witness it. My first time seeing a dead person on the street and I was a bit in shock, to say the least.
When I woke this morning, I took myself to the housing court to file a complaint against my landlord for not holding up his end of the bargain in a court-ordered decision. Unfortunately I needed the physical copy of the court order to file a complaint which I left on my coffee table. In Los Angeles.
That left me a bit frazzled and I went to the gym which made me miss my doctor's appointment (forgot), I missed my meeting up w/ an old friend, and I finally went all the way uptown to file another complaint against my landlord at the NY Dept of Housing as I just found out I have been paying my landlord doub the rent in a rent stabilized apartment for the past 5 years only to find out there was a 4-year statute of limitations. I am a year too late.
NOW I'm finding out that the reason I flew out here - to work the next 2 days on Fire Island - might be for nothing. There's a hurricane a-comin' and they're this close to evacuating Fire Island until Sat. So no work for me. And to think I gave up 2 nights of work in L.A. for this. Not to mention the cost of my flight/travel expenses. I mean...really??
Is this what the bad feeling I had Monday before leaving was about?
Just got into my apt. in NYC and am very happy to be here. Had a really weird feeling in my stomach half-way through yesterday - dunno why or what it was about, but whenever I do something unfortunate happens. Maybe it happened last night and I don't know about what it is yet, or maybe I was just stressed. Something's gonna happen real soon and I'm hoping it's nothing but positive for me. I really need something good to happen to me right about now...
I just removed my most current blog post (which is something I never do) for two reasons:
1. I refuse to put any feeling-sorry-for-myself rants into the universe. For the record, I wrote it when I got home from work Sat. night and was really wanting to put out how I was feeling, however I don't need it staring back at me (or others) for a long time to come.
2. I wrote about someone who might get the wrong impression based on how he reads it. It's better not have him feel like he's done something wrong, when in fact he has not; it's just the way life goes sometimes. Nor do I want him to be embarrassed...again, not something I want put into the universe.
Been working all yesterday afternoon on an idea that came to me back when I lived in New Orleans. It's a love story between 2 young men that takes place in 1961/62 in N'Awlins and today was all about researching history (both national and local) during this time period.
I guess watching all the New Orleans documentaries and new specials stirred up my time spent there and forced me to revisit a story that now means much given what has happened since I left the Crescent City.
Can't begin to tell you how excited I am at all the great things that came to mind today. Feels really good to be creative again, lemme tell you.
I was recently asked if there was any song that brings up emotions for me and, like the guarded and sometimes scared person I am, I conveniently couldn't think of any.
When going through songs tonight for inspiration I came across this one - Creep by Radiohead. I've always liked this song and tonight, unexpetedly, it made me cry. Why? Because I have, at times, felt this way and cannot be afraid to admit it. I know I'm not alone in this because seriously...honestly...who hasn't?
Been in L.A. 207 days and have had many more highs than lows. VERY happy about that as I seemed to have made the right choice as to the direction I wanted my life to go in. I've met some great friends, re-started past friendships and have gotten to spend quality time with my family. Haven't found love yet but that's nothing one can actively control so I leave that to the Gods. They know best and will make that magic happen when it's time.
So what have I learned during my time here? Well, that I am still in need of pushing toward my goal of becoming a working actor, that I make amazing things happen when I put my mind to doing them, and that being in love with myself will only draw the right people towards me. It's hard to watch those who don't love themselves pull away (whether in friendship or romance) but I know in my heart that they'll get there one day and here I'll be. It was done for me and now it's my turn give back.
Life is good, people. Life. Is. Good.
Today's quote: Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - M.Twain
I started blogging on March 11, 2003 at my first blog on Blogspot, then moved over to Typepad for this blog on Nov. 4, 2003. All the posts from the first blog were moved over on the first day of this one. Both were/are called Narcissism 101.
My question is this: Do I celebrate my 7th anniversary of this blog in November or do I celebrate the 8th anniversary of Narcissism 101 as my blog in March?
Dear Shirley Sherrod,
I just watched your complete speech that was filmed last March at a N.A.A.C.P. banquet which, after being edited and posted on Andrew Breitbart's blog, became the national story it is today - no thanks to Fox News picking up and running with it. You were fired from your position as USDA Georgia Director of Rural Development thanks to that edited video and were shamed by many calling you racist - including the White House.
You, in no way, said anything racist. In fact, the story you were telling was about how you were affected by racism, how you dedicated your life to fighting racism, and finally learned by your own personal prejudices that race had nothing to do with your decision on whether or not you're helped by the USDA. Your story was honest and it took your own bravery to tell it.
I am happy to know that, after a full review of the tape, you have been vindicated with an apology from the White House, the N.A.A.C.P. and the Agriculture Department and have even been offered a "unique" job from the USDA. It's the least they can do for you after jumping to a conclusion and not reviewing all facts. Still waiting for Andrew Breitbart and Fox News to step up to the plate...
Throughout this whole ordeal you have remained outspoken, honest, strong, and extremely respectful. That, Mrs. Sherrod, is commendable and gives hope to those who have been wronged and want to stand up for themselves. Yes. You Can.
With much respect,
I'm writing to let you know that I'm glad we've decided to give it another go. After a few false starts, I am happy that you're finally ready to take a chance. We'll have our ups and downs, yes, but I believe that those times can only make us stronger and bring us closer together. To be honest, I've missed you a great deal and I look forward to seeing what the future hold for us. Not to mention we look pretty good together...
I landed in NYC and am now at my Harlem digs putting things together to take back to L.A. w/ me. It's a little weird being back here because I kinda feel like a visitor now. I'm sure that'll change in a few hours or so, but..
I know one thing I DON'T miss is the summer heat down in the subways. Ohhhhh Lawwwwd!!! I am sweatin' harder than a one-legged River Dancer.
So last night/this morning I had a dream that I was living in an apartment complex next to a good friend of mine. I left his apartment after having an upsetting talk with him and the streets were crawling w/ zombies. I went back to my friend's house to get him out of danger's way and he was lying in bed - I thought he was sleeping. When I got close to wake him, he was actually awake and his skin looked a bit gray. I told him that there were zombies everywhere and that we needed to get outta where we were. He then leaned in to kiss me and it was then that I noticed his mouth was black and his eyes were really sunken (a zombie, obvs). I pulled away and he tried his hardest to pull me back in. He then told me it was better that we were both dead and to let him bite me. I refused and started to run away, but when I got outside I saw that the apartment was surrounded by zombies. I then went back inside where he was about to eat someone. He turned to me and asked if I was ready to join him. Then I woke up - very upset.
Upset because part of me knew that there was no other option, while part of me wondered whether or not I wanted to be dead w/ him forever. Did I??
I looked up zombie dreams online and found out what it said if I dreamt about a zombie attack: To dream that you are attacked by zombies, indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. And if my friend was a zombie, that he was: Someone who is not "alive" emotionally—not in touch with their humanity,compassion, feelings, etc. Finally: Dreaming that a zombie is after you can mean you feel or fear that someone is threatening you in real life—emotionally, mentally, or physically.
Yikes. That dream was wrought w/ shizz.
Tonight I am resting up for a full 6 days of visitors, b-day parties, and playing host for both. So I had to put Mr. Donny Hathaway on to soothe, smooth, and fill my night w/ what I think calm sounds like. This cover is prolly one of his best (not to mention one of my favorite standards). Don't believe me? Press play, close your eyes, and just listen...
Starting tomorrow I begin my non-stop-summer-business...
Sat. BIG L.A. pool party then work at DUKE
Sun. Spin Mayor of L.A.'s Gay Pride Party then opening of World of Color at Disneyland.
Mon. My new weekly acting class begins.
Wed. House of Work Pride Party
Thurs. Daniel Nardicio arrives and Drag Queen Book Signing Party
Fri. Ultra Suede Pride Party
Sat. DUKE Pride Party
Sun. Gay Pride
More next week...
Today I ask you to take a minute to stop and think about all those who have given their lives in wars fought for our country both past and present. For each soldier who dies, there is a grieving family and your support can only make their lives that much better.
Dear Peter Sprigg,
Just read what you had to say about homosexuals serving openly in the military and you warned that if DADT was repealed that "homosexuals in the military are three times more likely to commit sexual assaults than heterosexuals." And you said it with a straight face (no pun intended). So what you're saying here is that if soldiers are allowed to come out of the military closet, they're gonna go on a mad raping spree...?
Did that happen to women when they were first allowed to serve in the military? Did the male soldiers suddenly lose all sense of honor and rape female soldiers left-n-right? Or maybe the female soldiers raped the male soldiers? Because attraction (and lack of sex) is what causes rape, right?
Is that what happen in other country's armies who allow homosexuals to serve openly? Das uber rape?
I mean, that's what I did when I first came out of the closet - I raped everyone in sight. Not literally, of course, no, no... I raped willing victims who's number I always managed to get afterwards. I, as a human, know that rape is a violent act and is wrong and will have me thrown in jail where I, too, will most likely get raped. And I don't want that.
But what do I know? I'm just a common citizen in this country not a loyal, committed soldier.
Have lovely day and try not to get too close to Hell's Kitchen or West Hollywood - I hear there are mad rapists on every corner.
Aaron Elvis James
I am proud to announce that I have found a place to live here in the City of Angels. It's a huge "single" with rockin', eat-in kitchen and bright marble-floored bathroom. The building has a clean pool, covered parking and is located in the heart of West Hollywood (as if I needed to get ANY gayer...). Plus, I'm 2 blocks away from Fubar and across the street from a Trader Joe's/Starbucks/Pink Berry/indie movie theater/sushi. And that's important.
Needless to say, I'm a happy boy.
Came across this today and found it quite fitting:
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
Pretty amazing coming from a woman who was deaf and blind, dontcha think?
My good friend, Tyler Helms, who I wrote about when he shared w/ the world his HIV status this past World AIDS Day, is trying to raise money for this year's AIDS Walk NY along w/ his team: Impact Red. Their goal is to reach $25,000 which may seem like a lot, but really..is it??
PLEASE help by donating whatever you can to Tyler and his team by clicking here. There is an ongoing battle against HIV/AIDS and by helping to find cures, you'll know that you didn't just sit there and do nothing - you helped.