Narcissism 101

JUNE 22nd, 2010

Happy Birthday, Meryl Streep! You complete me.

And 61 is the new 40.

JUNE 21st, 2010

40 is the new 30.

Make a note of it.

BIRTHDAY WISH #1

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's #1 - The man who understands this and feels the same way about me (he's out there, so maybe it's not so outlandish...):

 

BIRTHDAY WISH #2

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's #2 - An authentic Keith Haring painting/print. He's been my fave for years and I would KILL to own a piece of his art.

BIRTHDAY WISH #3

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's #3 - A genuine Louis Vuitton Steamer Trunk. They are rare and amazeballs and would rock any home - used is okay. I mean....couldja??

 

BIRTHDAY WISH #4

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's # 4 - The Tag Heuer Grand Carrera Pendulum for 2010. It hasn't even gone onto production yet and I still want it now. It'll look sooooo nice on my arm.

BIRTHDAY WISH #5

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's # 5 -This is one only a genie can give me: my beautiful head of hair. I want it back.  I want to have something to wash, to buy products for, and to run my fingers through again. And it needs to be full again like Raquel Welch.

BIRTHDAY WISH #6

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's # 6 - EGOT. Yes, I want all four so that I can hold that title. I want an Emmy for some fab show I've done on HBO or AMC, a Grammy for my spoken word/comedy album, an Osacr for an independent film that I'm unforgettable in, and a Tony for my one-man show Nudes On Ice. I'd like to thank..

BIRTHDAY WISH #7

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's # 7 - To be John Varvatos' muse OR have him as my personal tailor/dresser. He knocks out some pretty fab shizz and I would be very happy to wear it whatever the occasion may be.

BIRTHDAY WISH #8

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's # 8 - To own outright Merv Griffin's Hollywood home. It's a great piece of property, very private, and the views are amazing: it overlooks everything from Hollywood to downtown L.A. to the ocean. PLUS one can only imagine the gay ghosts running around.

BIRTHDAY WISH #9

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's # 9 - A long vacation to places along the Mediterranean: Greece, Italy, Ibiza, St. Tropez, etc. Just as long as I'm getting sun and the water is blue...

BIRTHDAY WISH #10

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's #10 - To come home to this sign (minus the cheap door and scotch tape):

Hopefully (what's after the jump) will be what I'm walking into...

BIRTHDAY WISH #11

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's #11 - A BMW Z4 Series Roadster (Silver). Hey, if you're gonna wish for something...wish for a sexy muhfuckin' car, right?

BIRTHDAY WISH #12

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's #12: A surprise birthday party hosted by Rip Taylor. By the end of the party I expect everyone and everything in the room to be covered in confetti.

BIRTHDAY WISH #13

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's #14 - A moment like this. So simple yet so meaningful. (Actually not so outlandish...)

BIRTHDAY WISH #14

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's #14 - The new iPhone 4...but only if it's on VERIZON or T-MOBILE! Otherwise, why bother?

BIRTHDAY WISH #15

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's #15 - A blank check, signed of course by someone who wanted me to have it. I wouldn't go too crazy, just take enough to pay off all my debts so that I could start my life fresh with no past-due amounts looming over me. That's a pretty rockin' gift, yes?

BIRTHDAY WISH #16

Every day until my birthday I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

Here's #16 - To be BFFs w/ Jerri Blank. (And, yes, I'll settle for Amy Sedaris)

I’m Jerri Blank and I’m an alcoholic. I’m also addicted to amphetamines as well as main-line narcotics. Some people say I have a sex addiction, but I think all those years of prostitution was just a means to feed my ravenous hunger for heroin. It’s kind of like the chicken or the nugget. The point is, I’m addicted to gambling.

BIRTHDAY WISH #17

Since my big birthday is just 17 days away, I thought I'd ask the universe for things that I would never get. Every day I ask the universe to give me something outlandish and...who knows...maybe I'll get something that I wish for.

WISH #17 - Lee Pace. He's first: a great actor, second: dreamy (not to mention charming), and third: he's the perfect mix of masculine and talented that I LOVE. AND, he can sing. So...I want him.