Narcissism 101

PORK THE PAIN AWAY

Sent to me from Richie Rizzo.

MEAT ME LATER

When I get thirsty after a hard workout or spinning a dancefloor in Iraq, I reach for a deliciously refreshing MeatWater.

MeatWater has all the vitamins, nutrients and unadulterated protein my body craves. All that in a delicious flavored water...does it get any better?

MeatWater comes in these mouth-watering flavors:

Beef Jerky

Beef Stroganof

Cheese Burger

Chicken Teriyaki

Dirty Hot Dog

Fish'n Chips

Hungarian Gulash

Italian Sausage (my favorite...obvs)

Peking Duck

Tandoori Chicken

Texas BBQ

Wiener Schnitzel

(BTW this website was sent to me by my gal-pal Melissa and I'm gagging.  Literally and figuratively.)

DAYS LEFT IN OFFICE: 256

THIS WEEKEND

Ask me how to get discount tickets...

37 GOING ON 17

Recently I have been like a teenage girl, sporting crushes and blushing when around boys I like.  I may even write one of 'em a note and pass it to them during homeroom.

One boy I'd like to ask on a date, one I'd like to play spin the bottle with, and the other makes me melt when I see him on screen. He's the only on I can publicly discuss and his name is Lee Pace. I just watched Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day while in my hotel room in Vegas and couldn't get over how much I lurved him. I mean, I'm sure the crush began while watching Pushing Daisies but it has blossomed into uber-crush. And, no, I'm not gonna stalk him like he was Uma Thurman.  I just like to look at him. And listen to his perfect speaking voice. And pretend he's staring longingly into my eyes before or after kissing me.

WHAT THE HELLZ IS WRONG WITH ME?? I gotta pull it together.

DAYS LEFT IN OFFICE: 258

STAYS IN VEGAS

Still in Vegas until tomorrow (Tuesday). Got some bad news today...more on that later.

Oh, and I'm blogging from the Apple store. I DEFINITELY need a laptop ASAP.

DAYS LEFT IN OFFICE: 259

AWAY AGAIN, NATURALLY

Mom and I are off to Vegas for a family emergency. It's not too good and it's all hitting me now and lemme tell ya...it's much tougher than I thought it would be.

2008 has not started off on a real high note, but I guess with extreme highs come extreme lows.

MILEY X Pt. 2

On the serious tip, am I missing something? I am dumbfounded by this all this bullshit when there are MUCH bigger issues we could collectively be dealing with - like...say...I don't know...the 44 soldiers that died this month in Iraq bringing the total casualties of this war up to 4,056. I'd call that shocking, disgusting, a crushing blow and I, for one, am outraged by the unscrupulous actions of a filthy administration that has dealt not only their families, but this country, a crushing blow.

But I digress.

MILEY X

In 1884 John Singer Sargent painted a portrait of a young socialite named Virginie Amelie Avegno Gautreau. When the painting was shown in Paris in 1884 scandal erupted.  It seems as though the uproar was over her shoulder strap - it was hanging off her shoulder which "shocked and scandalized" those who viewed it. John Singer Sargent then took the painting down and re-painted the shoulder strap so that it looked more proper and formal. Problem solved.

For him.

Virginie, on the other hand, did not walk away unscathed. As any person who is threatened with being "ruined" , she lashed out at Sargent and sided with those who were outraged and disgusted. She and her husband (who commissioned the painting) refuse to pay Sargent for his work. Unfortunately this was not enough and she was never looked at the same. Virgine slipped into depression and self-hatred. It's rumored that she retired from social life and destroyed every mirror in her home until she finally committed suicide by throwing herself down a flight of stairs.

A similar "scandal" is happening right now with the "controversial" photograph of (15 year-old!) Miley Cyrus taken by (58 year-old lesbian!) Annie Liebowitz for (smut peddlers!) Vanity Fair magazine. In the shocking picture, Miley is seen exposing her back(!) and looking over her shoulder(!!) at the tender age of 15 (!!!). The gods will smite her, fo' sheezy. Miley and her achy-breaky dad have publicly apologized for the disgusting portrait and are outraged over Annie Liebowitz' unscrupulous actions. Miley family has gone so far as to say that Miley was alone with Mz. Liebowitz when the racy photos were taken and never would have let this happen had they (her father and mother) been present. Apparently they must have left their daughter to fend for herself out in the remote location where they were shooting this filth. Have they not seen the film Fame? Do they not know what can happen when Coco gets photographed without her parents present?!? They could have covered up that seductive shoulder which may very well ruin her blossoming career.

It's eerie how a scandal that erupted in 1884 can repeat itself in 2008 -- 128 year later! What are the odds? I just hope Miley can pick herself up from this crushing blow and will not follow in the footsteps of Mme. Gautreau.

And perhaps Annie Liebowitz can save her career by taking more tasteful pictures.

DAYS LEFT IN OFFICE:265

CIAO, MIAMI

Leaving Miami this morning and am NOT looking forward to going back to rainy, grey NYC. I am, however, looking forward to all the shizz I'm doing this week: spinning 4 nights and ending my week with spinning Low Tea on Fire Island. I will be getting mileage out of all the new mixes I got this past week PLUS I get to see my fave singer Porsche. Ya know, good times can sometimes be just a ferry ride away.

P.S. I am giving fag traveler DOWN with my Marc Jacobs/Pan Am blue bag here at Miami Int'l - I am swinging it harder than a Westport housewife at a key party.

MINI-RETRACTION

Dunno whether it's hearing it repeatedly or if it sounds better on club and/or bar speakers than in headphones, but M'Grandma's album is starting to grow on me. Please don't mistake this to mean I think it's a good album because it's just not. It's just growing on me.

Off to Miami today for work. Adios.

DAILY ZEN 3

One of my favorite episodes of Little House on the Prairie was about Laura Ingalls' horse and how Nelly Olsen falls off said horse and winds up in a wheelchair. As is the norm for Nelly, the injury is milked and one sunny afternoon Laura spies on Nelly dancing around her living room (when she's supposedly struck lame - in more ways than one). Laura aint having it and takes Nelly for a little walk.  What happens then is O-V-A-H. Watch:

ROAD TRIP 2

This May 11th, Daniel Nardicio (Promoter and co-creator of Dlist.com) along with co-producer Robbyne Kaamil is packing another bus with nightlife downtown superstars and is hitting the road to Atlantic City to film Nardicio's Great Gay Atlantic City Road Trip the sequel to his original web-tv phenomenon Nardicio's Great Gay American Roadtrip. This time, however, the public is invited to join the madness.

Boarding the bus will be original series cast members Drag Momma Sweetie, acid tongued southern belle Bianca Del Rio and nightlife trannie Dina Delicious. Along with them (and adding to the small town cultural onslaught) will be raunchy singer Wendy Ho, "Fagotty Attention" singer Adam Joseph, DJ Aaron Elvis, porn stars Victor Steele and Cory Koons, 4 men from Playgirl.com, Whitney Biennial Artist and burlesque sensation Julie Atlas Muz, Reluctant Whore blogger Matt Phillp and an entire entourage of others, all determined to throw a party at Atlantic City's last real gay bar The West Side and inspire some jaw dropping cultural shock at rest stops along the way!

Join them as they board a bus in full New York nightlife splendor with a mission to inject Atlantic City with a whole heap of what its been missing since most of their gay bars were shut down by police last October.

Only 45 tickets are available to join the cast of this riotous bus trip - and the $150 price includes:

* Round trip bus fare in their luxury bus!
* Hotel room (double occupancy, so find a friend on the bus or you'll be assigned one!)
* Entrance to The West Side for the party that night
* Complimentary drinks on the bus to and from Atlantic City
* Open Bar at the party from 12am-1am
* $15 in chips to use at the Hilton Hotel casino

Pick-up is 10am on Sunday, May 11th at Starbucks on 8th Avenue at 16th Street (bus leaves promptly at 10:30- and no refunds if you miss the bus)

Pick up from Atlantic City is 12:30pm the following day in front of our hotel.

Buy tickets for Nardicio's Great Gay Atlantic City Roadtrip here http://www.dlist.com/gayroadtrip

ZOURS ANYONE?

Yours truly got a copy of Madonna's new CD Hard Candy on Monday and listened to that shizz immediately. My first reaction was that Madonna's candy tasted like a sugar-free Jolly Rancher - trying too hard to be fresh and fruity. That being said, here are my track-by-track synopses of the songs:

* Candy Shop - No, this is not a cover of 50 Cent & Li'l Kim's Candy Shop and Madge won't let choo lick the lollipop. BUT it has a slammin' back beat and you can dance to it. "Stick-stick-stck-sticky and sweet..."

* 4 Minutes - This would be a perfect song for the commercial of a cheap shampoo. Oh, wait...it IS a song that is used in a commercial for cheap shampoo. On the serious, 4 Minutes is a track that has grown on me and, against better judgement, I'm lovin' it. It's prolly because Timbaland produced it and it has flawless horns in the background. But I still don't get what the frack the song is about...

* Give It To Me - I don't know what's worse: the Wurlitzer organ or Madonna's over-produced vocals (echo, often?). Seriously, the organ sounds like one of those self-playing organs at Jimbo's Organ and Piano in the mall. Maybe I would have liked it better if the track sounded like this. Pharrell needs a little lesson from Ethel Smith.

* Heartbeat - Did Britney reject this track for the recording of her last CD? This song is utterly forgettable. "For me it's an escape, cuz dancin'-makes-me-feel-beautiful." Really? Even J-Lo couldn't pull this crappy Pharrell song off.

* Miles Away - Not one of Justin and Timbaland's best. Cheesy lyrics and boring vocals makes for a bad song. "When no ones around and I have you here,  begin to see the pictue it becomes so clear." I feel like screaming, "Stop rhyming and I mean it! (Anyone want a peanut?)"

* She's Not Me - When I'd rather listen to the bass line in a song, you know you need to go back to the drawing board. Wait...wasn't this song...on the True Blue album? I think it was right after Dress You Up.

* Incredible - MY EARS!!! They're now bleeding. You happy now Pharrell? This has to be one of the CD's worst tracks. Care to challenge me? "Just-whunna-those-things...when ev'rything goes incre-duh-bull." Speaking of bull...

* Beat Goes On - Okay, this is a MUCH better - original-ish, danceable, well produced (2 out of 6 is still bad odds Mr. Williams), and has a Kanye rap where he doesn't mention Madonna's name. Maybe it's just because I'm a sucker for 70's funk-sounding songs. Or maybe because tracks 3 though 7 were pure crap...

* Dance 2nite - Why is this song called Dance 2nite when the tempo feels like Nap 2nite. It's kinda boring and a slower version of Beat Goes On. Mayhaps this Justin Timberlake written track would have been better with Justin Timberlake singing it alone. But I doubt it. Alright...it's not that bad. Just boring.

* Spanish Lesson - The music is going along fierce, then Madonna has to ruin it all. "Yo Ti Quiero means I love love you. Mu-cho Gusto means I'm welcome to you. Senioritaaaaaaaaah, I just wanna fall in love. Callete means close your mouth..." Couldn't have said it better myself. And guess who wrote and produced it....

* The Devil Wouldn't Recognize You - "What goes around comes around goes around comes around..." Oops, wrong song. Actually because it sounds so similar to Justin's song I kinda like it. But Timbaland and Justin were most definitely on cruise control with this one. Couldn't you guys come up with something a little more original? STILL, it is one of the fresher songs on this stale CD.

* Voices - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Huh? What?? Oh, sorry I must have fallen asleep. Is this Kylie's new CD? Why does Kylie's voice sound so low and old? HUH? This is still Madonna's CD? Geez, it's not over yet?? Be a lamb and turn it off, please.

4 songs outta 12 makes this one of Madonna's worst CDs for me. And that saddens me because I was looking forward to loving it. Until next year...

DAYS LEFT IN OFFICE: 272

SCRATCH-N-SNIFF

So one of my fave rap songs has just gotten a video and a friend of mine (who knows how much I love it) sent me the link.  Here it is and please note that it may not be safe for work...lyrically that is. Werk, Miss Riskay.

Riskay feat. Aviance & Real - Smell Yo D***
Watch Music Videos at www.blastro.com

BACK TO SCHOOL

Gossip Girl is back tonight and my inner teenage girl is excited!

WEATHER OR NOT

Even though it's fixin' to be 80 degrees today (woo-hoo!), there's a chill in the air. Oh, wait, the Pope is here. Makes sense.

I keed, I keed.

But there is a slight chill in the air.

Seriously, I am SO FRIGGIN HAPPY that the weather is getting warmer. I am a summer baby (born in June) so I come alive when the sun starts beatin' down. Plus, I love making my skin all brown-n-leathery. It makes me feel pretty. It also makes me wanna go hang at the beach and watch hot boys playing in the water. And by boys I mean men.

Unfortch, I won't be taking a summer home on F.I. this summer so that activity is gonna be hard to do but I will be spinning a Low Tea at The Blue Whale on June 15th. To say that I'm looking forward to it would be an understatement.

DAYS LEFT IN OFFICE: 277

CHEAP SEX

You know you need to get some nooky when the Subway commercial jingle announcing, "Five dollar foot longs" turn you on.

I'm just saying...

DAYS LEFT IN OFFICE: 279

MY DAILY ZEN 2

Miss Roberta Flack gives good lyrics.

JOIN US

THIS WEEK I'M A-WORKIN' A WHOLE HECK OF A LOT...

* Tuesday: INTERVENTION at Therapy (W.52nd St.) Sweetie hosts and performs her big titties off.

* Wednesday: Lavinia Draper Hour at Stonewall (Christopher St.) Lavinia Draper drinks and sings and slurs her way through the evening.

* Thursday: Sweetie's RIOT at Stonewall (Christopher St.) Sweetie hosts and performs her big titties off yet again with special drag queen performers following suit.

* Friday: Red Light District at Stonewall (Christopher St.) Hot-ass go-go mens make your Friday nights thankful.

If you can't make it to at least ONE then you're a grade-A agoraphobe.

DAYS LEFT IN OFFICE: 280

FLY RIGHT

Why would you ever fly anything BUT Virgin America from L.A. to N.Y.?

CAR? POOL?

I don't know how people live like this in Hollywood...

Wait, that came out wrong. I meant I don't know how people could live IN Hollywood. (btw I've done it and have switched to NYC to satisfy my culture deficiency so I can say that). That being said, I do LOVE to visit.

WRAPPED

The commercial shoot is just wrapping now (waiting on the final shot) and I am exhausted. Who knew that sitting around waiting could wipe you out?

On to the next job...